Most people keep doubts about their marriage to themselves.

We’re not talking about everyday concerns or feeling stuck in a relationship pattern—we’re talking about deeper fears about whether the marriage will survive. It’s unsettling to think about, and sharing these feelings with others can lead to frustrating advice like, “Just listen to your heart” or “Make a pros and cons list!”

So, the doubts stay underground. They come and go, sometimes for years. Marital doubt is more common than most people realize, and if you’re experiencing it, you are not alone. The good news? You don’t have to stay in this uncertain space forever.

How Common is Marital Doubt?

Recent research shows that about 1 in 5 married people (22%) report having some doubt about whether their marriage will last.

For most, doubt isn’t a constant 24/7 feeling. It fluctuates. Some days, you feel hopeful about your relationship; other days, something happens that pulls you back into uncertainty. You may talk yourself back into staying by reminding yourself that you love your spouse, or that divorce would hurt too many people. But then, the doubts return—sometimes hours, days, or weeks later.

This cycle can be emotionally exhausting. Living in a state of uncertainty can drain your energy and make it feel impossible to plan for the future.

Why is Marital Doubt So Isolating?

Unlike other life challenges—such as career struggles or a family member’s medical crisis—marital doubt is deeply personal and often kept private. You may have shared your love story with family and friends, but now, you might feel like you have no one to talk to about your fears.

Maybe you’ve opened up to one trusted friend or a therapist. But chances are, you haven’t told your spouse. The idea of “outing” your doubts feels risky.

The Hidden “Tests” of Marital Doubt

Many people with doubts try to figure out if their spouse is capable of change. This sometimes leads to unconscious tests—for example, “If I don’t remind them about our anniversary, will they remember?” When a spouse fails these tests, it fuels the uncertainty.

Meanwhile, the spouse who is being tested often has no idea what’s going on. Even if they sense that something is off, they may assume it’s just part of the normal ups and downs of marriage.

This emotional gap can make it even harder for a doubter to bring up their feelings.

Does Couples Therapy Help Marital Doubt?

During this phase of doubt, some people suggest marriage counseling. And as a therapist, I fully believe in the power of couples therapy—but for marital doubters, traditional therapy can sometimes miss the mark.

Why?

Because if one person isn’t sure they want to stay, they aren’t emotionally invested in making long-term changes. Research even shows that the average number of couples therapy sessions divorced people report having is just four.

For couples who aren’t on the same page, therapy can feel stalled. And if the unsure partner hasn’t fully voiced their doubts, it can feel like they’re just going through the motions.

When is Individual Therapy or Discernment Counseling a Better Fit?

Instead of jumping straight into couples therapy, it can be helpful to step back and clarify where you are emotionally.

  • Individual therapy can help if you’re feeling stuck, unsure of what you want, or if you need a private space to explore your feelings. It can help you understand your own patterns, fears, and needs, which can bring clarity to your next steps.

  • Discernment counseling is specifically designed for couples where one partner is unsure about staying. It’s a structured, short-term process that helps both people explore their options—without committing to staying or leaving right away.

  • Couples therapy is most effective when both partners are committed to improving the relationship. If you and your spouse are on the same page and ready to work through challenges, couples therapy can help rebuild trust, communication, and connection.

How Does Marital Doubt End?

In most cases, marital doubt leads to one of three outcomes:

  1. The doubt fades – You recommit to your relationship, recognizing that ups and downs are normal. Therapy (individual or couples) may help you strengthen your connection.

  2. The doubt turns into a crisis – You finally share your feelings with your spouse, and this leads to a wake-up call. This is where real change can happen—either by improving the relationship or by separating in a way that is thoughtful and respectful.

  3. The doubt turns into a sudden divorce announcement – When doubts build up without being shared, it often leads to a blindsiding breakup. This can create long-term emotional fallout, especially if there are children involved.

If you’re struggling with marital doubt, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Find Clarity and Support

I specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate relationship uncertainty. Whether you’re looking for clarity through individual therapy, want to work on your relationship in couples therapy, or need the structured approach of discernment counseling, I can help you:

✔️ Gain insight into your relationship patterns.
✔️ Explore whether reconciliation is possible.
✔️ Make an informed decision about your future—with confidence.

Marital doubt is hard, but you don’t have to stay stuck. Reach out today and take the next step toward clarity.